I have just completed two weeks of Technical Evaluation (TE) and have some reflective thoughts that I would like to write down for future reference. Every time I have heard about a TE in the past, it has mainly been how intense and often ridicules it all is, especially when compared to what actual flying is like on a lot of the mission fields.
As the time for the TE approached, my stress levels started climbing and I started worrying about my abilities and what would happen if I failed the TE. I kept finding myself going back and forth with the Lord. He would ask me who I was, and who I would be if I failed the TE. I would then come back to my identity in Christ and must admit that who I was and what He thought of me wouldn’t change based on the outcome of the TE. But I also started training at Moody eight years ago and have been moving towards mission aviation ever since. Would it have all been for nothing if I failed?
These are some very real questions with very real emotions. It is not the first time that God has taken me through this debate. He did it a few times throughout my life and throughout my training at Moody as well. If you take away all that I find myself doing for the Lord, who am I and what is my value? Hopefully we recognize right away with that question that we so often link our value to what we do, but even if we get past that we still all want to be able to do something that we enjoy and use it to glorify God.
Prov 16:1-9
1The plans of the heart belong to man,
but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
2All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
but the LORD weighs the spirit.a
3Commit your work to the LORD,
and your plans will be established.
4The LORD has made everything for its purpose,
even the wicked for the day of trouble.
5Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD;
be assured, he will not go unpunished.
6By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for,
and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil.
7When a man’s ways please the LORD,
he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
8Better is a little with righteousness
than great revenues with injustice.
9The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.
In the Fall of 2022, it took me three months of wresting with God, but I finally got to the point where I could give my desires and timeframes over to God, committing to trusting God’s plan and timing. It feels like three months is my standard timeframe of wrestling with God before finally submitting (hopefully I can learn to give in sooner). For this particular occasion it was in regard to the TE. I know for a fact that I will need to be reminded about this lesson many more times in the years to come.
This position of submission and trust in a good God allowed me to go into the TE at peace with the outcome before it even began. The best way I can describe the emotion was to say that I didn’t care about the outcome. It would be easy to take this in the wrong manner but let me explain. I obviously wanted to do well and was going to work hard at giving an accurate demonstration of my character and knowledge, after that, everything was completely in God’s hands, and I committed in my heart to trust Him and be content with the outcome of the TE.
This became one of the biggest highlights of my TE. There were plenty of occasions where I made mistakes, and some of them really dumb; however, there was only once when I started to really feel the pressure to pass and do well and God quickly reminded me about His truth. It was such an amazing experience to go home at the end of each day completely at peace with how the day had gone, despite the mistakes.
The peace of God is such a wonderful gift! When we fully trust Him, we can be secure in His plans. This doesn’t mean that life will suddenly be easy or that we don’t have to engage where He has called us. It does mean that, regardless of the outcome, we can rest assured that He is good, and His plans are perfect.
Lastly, I am so thankful to have a wonderful spouse who puts her trust in God in a similar manner. Despite all the uncertainty and changing plans, she has kept her faith in God and is trusting in Him through it all.
